Dear Ex Boyfriend.....

(its occured to me that I date the same loser every fucking time, so here is a post break up letter to the last 5 guys I've dated)
I started to write you a story, but I guess it's turned more into a letter. ...Hmmmm the thought of a bunch of people actually reading this, but only one person knowing who and what it's about, is actually kind of scary. Invasive. Fuck it though right?

It's not always a greek tragedy when two complete opposites come together, but we were like a twisted joke that fate decided to play, yet at the same time we made sense. No one really understood it , Im not going to lie I didnt really understand it myself. I was so scared in the beginning that things would turn out the way they have. We were so incompatible.

I can't say I'm not to blame for some things. I know I am. You got too close too fast and I did everything I could to push you away- but not too far. I wasn't playing a game, although that's how you saw it- I was being cautious. I don't even know why I acted that way because we were always connected in some way-cell, texting, emails, fax (nosah) - when we were apart I missed you, you missed me and everything was great. But the minute we were together it was this weird struggle- to either make each other mad or to see who could hold out and say no the longest (it was never me-haha). it was so unhealthy and dysfunctional on the outside, but so fun and passionate on the inside. Our friends didn't understand it-we didn't understand it-it was such a conundrum.

No one wants to be with someone that drives them crazy & makes them mad 80% the time. But its hard to get the sweet taste of dysfunctional passion out of your mouth once its in there. The passion becomes an addiction and that person becomes you're dealer- you want to save them, help them, fight with them over stupid shit just so you can make up- its so fucked up, its such high school shit- it gets old when you grow up. Really fucking old. In hindsight I guess my advice would be don't swallow (so you dont get that taste stuck in your mouth).

I think that's why most people can't let go of an ex. They seem to think "no one knows me like my ex" and that's true to a point. An ex knows what's going on in your head because they've dealt with you, they know how you'll react to almost EVERY situation because they know how you think (you should probably read that line again-just to make it clear) , they know what to exactly say to either make you mad or get you horny, how to touch you because they've had you before. Its not amazing, when you get together with an ex- it's just familiar. Comfort zones release inhibitions in some people. Ex's scare me. Because they're like a secret weapon on the other team. They know what I'm going to do and say, even before I do. I hate that. Hell, I keep myself guessing 99% of the time I don't need someone coming out of left field and making me stop short.

I stay away from my ex's because "fuck'em" - maybe I am heartless like you said. I just don't see the point in holding on to someone that doesn't want you or that you don't want anymore. I let you go the last time we parted ways because, in a moment of clarity, I saw that all you ever did was let me down. I can't say it wasn't like that from the start because it was, but you were a magician with words. In the end though you're just a coward for leaving it the way you did. So out of character but not unexpected.

In the beginning I was fooled and enticed by everything you said- even though you mostly talked about yourself, I listened because I was captivated. I don't think I've ever met anyone that can talk about themselves as much as you do. It's amazing. but not so much in a good way. For someone that's on a 24/7 self- promotion kick you don't have very much confidence in yourself. You were a walking contradiction but I couldn't get you out of my head. Not because I wanted to fix you, I was just intrigued-Memorized....and you had really nice fingers.

We were a mess from the start-the tighter you held on to me the more restless I became. You knew the deal- I hate to cuddle, but you'd insist, I'm not into PDA but you tried to pushed it- It had nothing to do with you or who was around. That part of my life is too important to me but you couldn't respect my feelings on that. I have no idea why. Everything I ever told you was true. I did want you, I wanted to be with you but I didn't want to get sucked into your world and especially since I didn't completely trusted you yet. Clearly I made the right decision on that.

I wish I could say "we're cool, we're friends" but we both know I don't operate that way. You severed ties and burned bridges in such a way that leaves no room for backtracking, so expect nothing from me in the aspect of friendship-Im not an enemy either-just a memory. I wish I could be different but people don't change, only situations do. I wish you luck, because you're a talented man. I know you'll go far because you leave very little room for error. I guess the only thing you don't have is clarity. So.....I guess I wish you that too.
Good Luck with that

Sigh if you wanna? WTF

So I just got back from yoga and I’ve realized a couple of things
1) I am not flexible…..well I am but not in the “yoga” way ;)
b) guys that take yoga are weird, seriously
3) I can automatically hate someone for no reason.
Yeah its true- before I would say I hated someone when I saw them but it wasn’t necessarily true until today. This girl walked in and I wanted to seriously drop kick her in the face. I don’t even know why….maybe it was the giant mole that was hanging from her face like an extra head- maybe it was the fact that she reminded me of someone I used to hang out with, An Amazon type woman, whom I cant stand now. Maybe its just because I’m mean- either way- I wanted this girl to die.
So yoga starts and I always end up sitting next to the guy that’s the “expert” which I cant stand. Its like they seek me out to make me look like a frump idiot. Dickheads. I don’t think a guy that is in head to toe latex has room to be a fucktard but apparently this guy thought so. He felt the need to tell me every time my hand was a millimeter off until finally I told him to “please shut you’re mouth…maybe with some of the latex you’ve draped yourself in”
Anyway at the end it the instructor told us to “breathe out, and feel free to use a heavy sigh”
What? Its bad enough Im lying next to captain latex over here- I have no desire to hear him or anyone else in this room breathe out using any type of “heavy sigh”
But they did it, and I felt dirty afterwards.

Yoga makes me feel good. I don’t know why- something about stretching the body to the limits of near death makes me feel alive.
Anyway Im watching that movie “ Can’t Hardly Wait” have you seen this cinematic tragedy? Yeah well if you haven’t you’re not missing much. In fact its when Jennifer Love Huge Tits had regular size boobs so if you’re a guy you REALLY don’t want to see it. But Seth Green plays this guy named Kenny who insist on calling himself “Special K” and sadly, acts like every guy I’ve dated in the last year…my good god that is just disgusting.


Oh and Denise Fleming is a Tampon


2 fingas
Nay

So I started something new

Last year sucked it hard, so I decided to start something new. Sorry Melang, I didnt know your address to give you the heads up =(
SO I plan on getting you all up to speed, but Im a month late on the 2006 year- almost 2 so I gotta organize some thoughts- expect another entry soon :)
JEAAAAAHAYA!